A Lot of crimes mentioned, committed, or parodied in Seinfeld episodes.
Updated March 31, 2000
Jerry
Stealing the marble rye [The Rye] Urinated in garage [The Parking Garage] Video pirating [The Little Kicks] Destroying American Currency [The Opera] Phones in a bomb scare [The Nap] Cock fighting [The Little Jerry] Littering [The Postponement] Manslaughter(?) - Brett dies in ambulance [The Checks] Mail fraud - stereo [The Package] Steals girlfriend's fungicide [The Conversion] Pirated cable TV [The Baby Shower] Conspires with dentist for insurance fraud [The Note] Speeding - beautiful girlfriend gets him off [The Calzone] Steals table linens when hiding the mutton [The Wink] Impersonates Murphy (accomplice)to getting a free ride [The Limo] Steals Gypsy's jacket [The Friars Club]
George
Adultery (some discussion re: legality) [?????] Aiding and Abetting a Fugitive - Celia busts out [The Little Jerry] Urinated in garage [The Parking Garage] Handicapped parking [The Handicapped Spot] Impersonates O'Brian to get a free ride [The Limo] Defrauds unemployment office [The Boyfriend] Double parks cars [The Alternate Side] Steals photograph from Kruger's Office [The Slicer] Shoplifting Impressionist Book [The Bookstore] Fraud - airline tickets death in family [The Implant] Fraud - getting job faking a handicap [The Butter Shave] Stole from pharmacy [The Stranded] Slips ex-boss a mickey [The Revenge] Fire hydrant parking [The Handicapped Spot] Steals Heather's clock to get hat back [The Chicken Roaster]
Elaine
Steals her mannequin likeness [The Pie] Dangerous driving (on The Van Wyck) [The Busboy] Jaywalking - Ping's accident [The Virgin] Assists George with the mickey [The Revenge] Plagiarizes a Ziggy pig [The Cartoon] Puts Canadian Quarters in apartment washing machines [The Opposite] Fraudulant use of corporate expense account [The Chicken Roaster]
Kramer
Returning cans to Michigan [The Bottle Deposit] Pirated cable TV [The Baby Shower] Agrees to perjury to aid Newman's parking tickets [The Ticket] Possession of Cuban cigars [The Bubble Boy] Impersonating a doctor [The Slicer] Brawling with Reggie Miller at a Knick's game. [The Suzie] Impersonates Proctologist and parks in Doctor's spot [The Assman] Impersonating a police officer [The Statue] Assaults Mickey Mantle [The Visa] Betting on a Knick's game with a bookie. [The Suzie] Stealing golf games [The Caddy] Destroying a washing machine [The Revenge] Smoking in a New York restaurant (Monk's) [The Abstinence] Stealing lobster [The Hamptons] $600 in Parking Violations [The Subway] Stealing Hospital Gloves [The Junior Mint]
Newman
Adultery (legal or not?) with Svetlana [The Reverse Peephole] Hiding Federal mail [The Andria Dorea] Returning cans to Michigan [The Bottle Deposit] Dumps beer on McDowell [The Boyfriend] Speeding - had a defective detector [The Pitch] Opens and reads Elaine's mail (almost admits it) [The Reverse Peephole]
Together
Kramer, and Darin - Dropping a bladder of oil out of a building onto Claire [The Voice] George, Kramer - Scalping opera tickets [The Opera] Elaine, Kramer, and Newman - Kidnap a dog Kramer, Newman - use illegal high flow shower heads [The Shower head]
Others
Attempted Robbery - Kramer's winnings [The Subway] Assaulting an Officer - Kurt was mistaken for George [The Little Jerry] AWOL - Noreen took Elaine's advice [The Chinese Woman] Bookmaking - Mike gets thumbs broken [The Susie] Breaking out of Prison - Celia busts out [The Little Jerry] Theft of George's '76 Impala - the pigman from the hospital [The Bris] Embezzlement - Celia is in jail [The Little Jerry] Five-Nineteen (possible) in progress [The Trip] Kidnapping - kid from Pennsylvania carnival [The Note] Mail Fraud - the guy that left the woman-attracting jacket at Babs' [The Tape] Mass Murderer - the Smog Strangler in California [The Trip (1) or (2)] Mass Murderer - the other Joel Rifkin [The Masseusse] Mass Murders - the Lopper [The Frogger] Mugged - Kramer, in park on the way home to the bathroom [The Pilot I] Mugger - on bus [The Fire] Jerry's apartment robbed - [The Robbery] Jerry's car is stolen [The Alternate Side] Jewel Thief that Elaine buzzed up [The Opposite] Hijacking Aircraft - the Dominicans [The English Patient] Kramer's Gloves stolen in car (and returned) [The Alternate Side] Robberies in Jerry's building [The Strongbox] Rickshaw stolen by Rusty [The Bookstore] Smoking - Rava on elevator [The Statue] Stolen car by mechanic [The Bottle Deposit] Hit and Run - Angela hit Beckey's car[The Good Samaritan] Heather (or someone else) steals the Russian hat from her apartment [The Chicken Roaster] Contraband Cuban Cigars - Mr. Ross [The Bubble Boy] [The Cheever Letters] Cleaning man stealing the statue [The Statue] Yankee equipment stolen [The Wink] Prostitution - Jerry's apartment [The Stranded] Poppie - Breaks health code rules [The Pie] Prison Breakout - Celia doesn't get parole [The Little Jerry] Theft - Rochelle Rochelle video from car [The Smelly Car] Theft - Armoire stolen by Gays [The Soup Nazi] Theft - Patrice steals the salt and pepper from restaurant [The Truth] Kramer tossed into Hudson River by mobsters who think he's dead [The Friar's Club] Purse Snatching - Jerry's European carryall [The Reverse Peephole] Prostitution(?) [The Maid] Richie doing drugs and needs an 'intervention' [The Pez Dispenser] Seinfelds' condo is robbed - [The Raincoats (2)] Selling Subway Slugs - the Russian cable guy [The Baby Shower] Shoplifting batteries - Helen and Morty [The Bookstore] Shoplifting - Marcie takes Piaget watch, shoes, massage, facial [The Yada Yada] Suicide Attempt by Martine [The Suicide] Scalping Yankee Tickets - Steinbrenner hopes to make $40 [The Millennium] Chocolate Bar theft - the mechanic [The Dealership] Prostitution in George and Kramer's cars [The Wig Master] Murder - of Pinkus the Dry Cleaner [The Big Salad] Penske and the board of directors - Indicted [The Barber] Drugs - Zach detoxing [The Bookstore] Scarsdale diet doctor murder - Scarsdale Surprise basis [The Summer of George] Silvio - assaults Joe Mayo with sock full of pennies [The Reverse Peephole] Medical Impersonation - Tor Eckman was released from jail [The Heart Attack] Car Jacking [The Finale]
