Pen Shui
There are many ancient wisdoms that can be gleaned from manuscripts
or leather bound books. Pen shui, in contrast, was discovered
by a drunk astronomer who mistook an abandoned sewage processing
plant for the observatory. It was floating in substances best
not described and etched on a urine sample jar. From where it
came no one knows. What possible use it can be is in the mind
of the seeker.
Feng Shui is concerned with harmony and easy flow of energy.
What can be more harmonious than not annoying some fathead with
a skinfull of booze and a fuse shorter than a beetles neck. So
if you have a family that makes the Osbournes look like the Fland
diddly anders, this may save you a trip to casualty to get a pen
removed.
One last note, the astronomer missed discovering a new comet
but the janitor did not. The janitor died shortly afterwards in
mysterious circumstances.
Pen Shui is how to pen spin descreetly. At school, in a meeting
or even when your dad comes home from the pub having just lost
at darts and admitting that he prefers sleeping with waitors to
waitresses pen shui will help you to practice your pen spinning
quietly.
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(Tip: Combining two or more of these will create a lot more pen
shui.)
-
If you have a coat or sweat shirt, consider
taking it off and placing it over your lap. This helps greatly
in school because you can not be heard when dropping the pen
and also you don't have to bend down to pick it up every 30
seconds when you drop it on the floor.
-
If you can cross your legs over without any
pain, then this is very useful. Although i'm not advising it
for your sex life! This wont provide as much Pen Shui as a coat
but is the next best thing.
-
If you are at a table and keep creating a noise
when the pen hits it, consider using a book or anything lying
around to soften the blow.
-
Try spinning the pen underneath one leg, either
left or right, whichever provides better Pen Shui in that situation
is advisable.
-
Spin with your sleeves down! Sounds stupid
right? But people with there sleeves up are far more noticeable
than people with them down! Trust me!
-
Don't look at your pen.
-
Avoid Pen Spinning while standing. The constant
dropping of a pen can be quite tiresome on ones knees you know!
-
Practice tricks that have a low drop rate, like
the charge. And don't do tricks like the sonic where the pen
can fly off and poke someone in the eye while they are telling
you that your current piece of coursework is worth an A.
-
Try not to make facial expressions or mimic
the actions with your other hand. These are subconcious actions
that occur without you realising.
-
Try to avoid holding you hand/arm out infront
of you. This will draw attention to your pen when people are
talking/looking at you.
Move coming soon
