This is a parody. It is supposed to be funny (ie: a joke). Don't send me e-mail telling me how sick, cruel, weird, or disgusting I am, I already know that.

Also, you would be completely nuts to follow any of my suggestions. Besides being illegal, you're more likely to kill another person than you are an animal.

If you want to kill something get a fly swatter or for real fun and entertainment cook a live lobster.